Judah James

The past 48 hours have been surreal.  I’ve spent most of those hours sitting with my wife and new born son in a hospital room but it hardly feels like its been 5 minutes.   Weighing in at 7 lbs and 5 ounces, stretching to 20.5 inches, Judah James came into the world at 8:12 am yesterday (Sept 18, 2009).

I think those surreal moments come in life when the future is uncertain.  When you graduate, get married, attend a funeral of someone you loved dearly you experience this blur of activity as if you aren’t totally present.  The time that it takes to pause, reflect and can’t always be within minutes, but sometimes its days, weeks or much longer.

Without surreal moments we live in a safe cocoon.  Without surreal moments we move through life in a static state of blah.  I don’t want blah.  I want to feel the excitement.  I want gratitude.  The anxiety.  Curiosity.  In surreal moments, no matter how bright or bleak the present moment seems, we are forced to take in the moment.  It’s like when your leg falls asleep.  Your mind bounces from one thought to another and then you have to face reality.  Your leg is asleep.  And soon you get that tingling feeling.  It’s not pain.  And it not pleasure.  It’s feeling.  Straight up feeling.  As the feeling returns to your leg, all you can think about is the intensity of that moment.  It focuses your attention.  It makes you remember what’s really important.  (Not your leg.  All the other important stuff.)  Trying to remember to pause.

I now have a son.  There’s a certain amount of anticipation.  I want him to learn from my mistakes.  To not be held back by the fears I held on to.  There is a sense that his life will be a continuation of mine, and my fathers and my father’s father.  Like he has a destiny.  Maybe it’s a father’s optimistic outlook.  I know he’ll make mistakes.  But hopefully it’ll just be enough to keep him humble.